dis-avowal

Today's goal:

"Finish" the introduction so that I can give it to my departmental friend to read.

This means writing the section on why my research & argument are important, beyond, Give me my PhD, you rat-bastards!

Then I really need to read through the whole introduction again, even though at the moment I hate this project so much I can barely bring myself to skim it, and try to clean up esp. the transitions, which often, well, aren't.

That's it. That's all I'm going to try to do today.

I'm setting the bar low.

dis-humor

cavlec has pointed me to 150 Things NOT To Do at a Thesis/Dissertation Defense. (I find that these are funny in direct proportion to how tempting they are, which is possibly not a good sign.)

#6 would actually be extremely appropriate.

***
I've written that last ugly chunk. The introduction is now 60 pages long.

Must go back and read through it, but am thinking I will let myself eat lunch first.

Something accomplished. That's good.

Still breathing. That's good, too.

I'm really not sure whether to laugh or cry.

kate_nepveu pointed me to this blog entry about academic hazing rituals thesis defenses, which contains a quote from an ESPN article that is too perfect to be believed:

     All your insecurity demons come out of the closet when you write a dissertation. Every sentence, every phrase, is a chance to become more convinced of your inadequacy. Somehow -- hypnosis, therapy, fear of disappointing your parents, a stout glass of wine at noon and another one at 5 o'clock every day -- you get it done. But that's all it is: done. It's not good, and it's not worth reading and it's nowhere near the project you hoped you'd have when you started. You can barely stand to look at it.
     That's what makes the last days before the defense so painful: You're sitting around waiting for the committee to ask you what the hell you thought you were doing when you tried to put this flimsy, illogical piece of sham scholarship over on them.

That's it. On the nail.

*big sigh of relief*

I have met today's goal.

Also, big thanks to oursin for reminding me of Alas, Poor Ghost!, because it just saved me from making a completely unsubstantiatable and in fact false assertion.

And, in other news, I got the vacuum cleaner out and vacuumed away all the cobwebs that have been collecting in the corners of the walls and ceiling. It's actually kind of comforting to know I do have a threshold for grime tolerance, even if it is several leagues higher than my mother's.