(no subject)

[truepenny]

I've been having a lot of trouble with perfectionism lately.

Partly, I think this is an effect of feeling intellectually mauled (in the nicest possible way) by my dissertation defense. Partly, I think it's an effect of discovering that I'd written 1,830 words of dead end in Chapter Six. There are probably all kinds of other factors involved, but the upshot is that I'm having trouble letting myself write anything that isn't perfect.

I think that's why I've been posting so little. It's certainly why I'm not making progress on the novel, or any of the short stories I'm allegedly working on, or anything else. It's not that I've got writer's block in any ordinary sense: silly presents for matociquala and katallen come rolling out like Fred Astaire dancing up a wall. It's that the serious stuff feels too serious, and thus I can't work on it.

Obviously, from the evidence of this post, I'm perfectly well aware of what's going on. The trouble is that knowing what I'm doing to myself does not actually help with cutting it the fuck out. So I'm writing about it, hoping that maybe that will jar something loose.

I also think that part of the problem is that, while I really don't want to work on my dissertation, I also don't feel like I can commit to anything else until I've finished it. So I've hung myself out to dry, twisting in the steamy and unwholesome winds of Limbo. The answer to that, clearly, is to buckle down and finish the dis. Do the extra work. Jump through the flaming hoops. Get it the fuck over with so I can get on with the things that matter to me.

But fuck me gently with a chainsaw, as one of the Heathers says, human language is simply not adequate to express my loathing for this plan.

*balrog*

Comments

[katallen.livejournal.com]

I understand the silly present thing ::grins::

A second story was on it's way -- when I realised the reason I didn't like the ending was because there was more to follow.

::grins:: What's worse is it's getting less and less smutty.

But oddly enough the fanfic's been reminding me that writing is fun, and something I can do, and I think -- after slogging through EO for five months -- I needed to remember that.

I'm developing a theory that maybe writers do need to make a little guilt free time for having fun -- including having fun writing fiction. Even -- or maybe especially -- if its only purpose is to entertain friends.

Or maybe I've just enjoyed your presents a lot :o)

[oursin.livejournal.com]

part of the problem is that, while I really don't want to work on my dissertation, I also don't feel like I can commit to anything else until I've finished it.
Do I know that feeling! (but let other pens dwell on grief and misery, I will not go into details.) Though I don't have any solutions for the predicament. Except, maybe, break it down into chunks and work on it for timed periods and give yourself treats in between. But you've probably already thought of all the strategies.

[oracne.livejournal.com]

So I'm writing about it, hoping that maybe that will jar something loose.

That has worked for me, in fact.

But taking some time in limbo might not be so bad, either. You worked really intensely for several months--brains need a little downtime.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Yeah. The problem is, my brain doesn't like downtime. Never has.

[bibliofile.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know the feeling too. I eventually decided that not doing other things wasn't really helping, so I developed a hierarchic series of non-writing things to do instead of the project at hand. (Which eventually led to one friend's announcement that she'll do anything rather than clean the tub -- which is when she decided to hire someone to help clean house.)

As for the perfectionist brain, sometimes playing music loudly in the background helps me to distract it. Gives that little monkey in the brain something else to play with, as it were, so the writing can go on. YMMV, of course.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

I hadn't thought of using music for that particular purpose before. I'll give it a shot.

Thanks!