"I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."

[truepenny]

So, one of the pieces of writing advice I tend to endorse is the idea that you need to write every day, or as close to it as you can manage. And I still think it's true, or at least helpful, to think of writing as something you have to practice frequently and regularly, like music or baseball or dressage.

But I swear to god I had no idea how hard it is.

I knew about how hard it could be to find the time, especially if you have the pieces of a real life to try to assemble around it. And I knew how hard it could be when you felt like there were no words in your head, even when you had time to write them down.

I stopped blogging last year because of tendinitis in my right thumb (and, yes, that word really is spelled correctly, wrong though it looks) and carpal tunnel issues and the fact that my day job was all data entry. Thumb and wrists have improved, especially if I am NOT STUPID; temporary day job, being temporary, ended in November, and I am still waiting for another assignment; it seems like this would be the perfect time to write things: An Apprentice to Elves, for example, or Thirdhop Scarp, or any of a score of other projects.

But then there's the Restless Leg Syndrome, which revved up about the time my day job ended and has been relentless ever since. I learned in 2010 that creativity and RLS exist in inverse proportion to each other; in 2012 I learned that not only does RLS scour the creativity out of my head, but on the occasions when I do manage to write something, or to think seriously about writing something, it also deploys the worst of all the inner voices any writer (or artist or musician or anyone who loves what they do) can be afflicted with, the one that says, That's stupid. No one wants to read that. God, that's just puerile. This isn't working. The more words you put into it, the worse it's getting. Stop before you destroy whatever good you'd managed at all.

I know that voice is a liar. But I'm also tired and stressed and unhappy (see above re: neither job nor writing), and you know, that write every day advice seems smug and self-satisfied, and dear god don't you think I would if I could?

My RLS specialist and I are working on adjusting my medications. I am trying to get the things done that I can and not to beat myself up about the fact that right now there are things that I can't.

But it may be a while before I'm blogging regularly again. Thank you for your patience.

Comments

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I actually find writing every day to be actively bad for me and for the amount of writing I get done. Frequently, yes. Six days a week when possible, yes. But not seven. I have heard a friend talking about how she would feel so guilty if she didn't write on the day of her mother's funeral.

I really do want you to be able to get writing done, and I am in total sympathy with frustration over the days when something external is making it hard. I just find the "every day" advice to be one of the more toxic pieces of "one size fits all," and I hope you can get to a size that better fits you and still results in stuff getting done as you want it to.

[oracne.livejournal.com]

My sympathies. I haven't written any fiction since August, except for a 500-word piece.

I hear you on the lying voice that lies!

[sillylilly-bird.livejournal.com]

It's good to see words from you! I wish you speedy adjustments that subdue the RLS back into its nasty little box. Silly bodies.

Here's my happy place:
http://new.livestream.com/FosterKittenCam/RipleysKittens

and I finally got my etsy shop open :)
http://www.etsy.com/shop/OoohPretties

Now I need to go home early and try to fix all two of my three internet devices which currently do not find the internet.

[lenora-rose.livejournal.com]

Write very day is good advice for some. Write often is good advice for almost all writers. They are not the same. And health trumps it all.

Don't feel guilty -- if it's your health keeping you from things, this is what is known as a Good and Sensible Reason, not a piddling excuse.

That evil inner voice is the worst, because it turns a thing you should be looking forward to and loving, even when it's hard (or hard to get time for), into a thing that is a chore at all times.

[desperance.livejournal.com]

But it may be a while before I'm blogging regularly again. Thank you for your patience.

S'okay. When it works for you to come back, we'll still be waiting.

And for the fiction, too. Patience is easy, compared to what you're dealing with.

[difrancis.livejournal.com]

It is nice to see you posting and know that at least you are among the living. I've wondered how you were. I totally sympathize. I'm in a similar struggle in the writing space and am dealing with different life/medical issues, but enough to steal energy, focus, and drive all the same.

I really hope the RLS improves, and I hope that the writing comes along. I also hope that a job opens up for you.

Sending all good vibes.

[ckd]

I had fun (for values of fun which are, of course, not fun at all) dealing with some thumb RSI a few years back, so I understand your decision to cut out the blogging quite well.

May your med adjustments work well.

[kate_nepveu]

I hate it when bits of me are at war with other bits. Feel better soon.

[lferion]

*Sends good thoughts & energy*

[kitgordon.livejournal.com]

I've missed your voice, but your health is critical. Take good care. Sending best wishes for good news in all areas.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

I have left-thumb tendinitis, which means I can type but not knit. Grr. Echoing others: your health is important, and we'll be here when you get back.

[anderyn.livejournal.com]

Oh man. That truly sucks. I know it's hard to have that stupid voice in your head. I will say that as a reader, I will happily read anything you write, and I can say that none of it thus far has sucked.

[heresluck]

Bodies: why so difficult? In the meantime, if you want me to read the thing we talked about in December, if only so you can have the amusement of hearing me go on some more about Russian patronymics, say the word.

Also: the world and our work in it would be so different if KNOWING that voice is lying actually helped with the emotional side of the equation. Alas. Back to putting the mouse in the jar, I suppose.

In conclusion: please convey my greetings to Milo and my respectful saluations to June the Barn Cat. :D

[mia-mcdavid.livejournal.com]

Oh, Mole, hugs! I'm sorry that your stupid meat conspires against you; it is clearly damned discouraging. "God grant that I have the courage to change the things that I can, the serenity to accept the things I can not change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

[avidreadergirl.livejournal.com]

echoing all the other posts.

1. Take care of you.

2. I have read your blog, books and short fiction, so I feel confidant saying I think your lying voice has Munchhausen's, it's that delusional. (not that, that makes it any easier to ignore, the inner voices can be a bitch)

3. When you get writing again you will have an audience for that writing, because your writing is awesome.

[rchan.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, you have my mental support. I wish you only the best and if that includes more of your brilliant writing, I will be over the moon, but mostly I hope that includes less pain and stress for you. *offers hugs* I hope you feel better!

[cassandraterra.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to be hearing from you. Don't listen to that little voice of lies. Do what you can. Be healthy and happy first! *hugs*

[mectech.livejournal.com]

As with other commenters, this faithful reader is very pleased to hear that your meat is simply engaging in Extraordinarily Annoying Behaviour, rather than attempting to abandon the mortal plane entirely. Wishing you success in finding a useful balance; your fans will still be here when you're able to return.

[cheloya.livejournal.com]

Best of luck with the RLS! We can wait as long as we need to (although I admit I was rolling around in agony/joy when I found Goblin Emperor listed online).

Writing every day is one of those things that can be handy for first drafts and worse than useless for anything after that. I generally find that I can write as long as I make time for myself to do so, and to really sink into it, but writing every day is generally impractical for every other schedule known to man.

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you are having to slog through this slogginess. (Autocorrect wanted that to be 'slog fines', which sounds at least as bad--fining one for having endured a slog?! Or maybe it would be levied on those who caused others to slog…)

Take care.

[rarelylynne.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

::shakes fist at uncooperative health stuff::

The words will come when they are ready. <3 They are always worth the wait.

RLS

[akeleven.livejournal.com]

I feel for you :(