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Lessons from the Little Cthulhu Machine
Mar. 15th, 2014 07:15 amWhat the respiratory therapist will neglect to mention about your little Cthulhu machine: Getting the mask to seal is not automatic. Or easy. Or sometimes even possible.
What the respiratory therapist will also neglect to mention: The straps of the mask have a tendency to self-adjust. This is not a hidden features. This is a STUNNINGLY POOR DESIGN CHOICE.
What you will learn the hard way: Even if you get the mask to seal initially, odds are still good you will wake up in the middle of the night to discover it has slipped. At which point, odds become almost catastrophically poor that you will be able to get it to reseal without coming all the way awake, and also thrashing about a good deal. Swapping one mask for another may actually help, but that's a delicate and complex operation which you cannot turn the light on for, because your poor spouse is trying to sleep. ALso, see above re: AWAKE.
What the respiratory therapist WILL tell you when you ask for help: A water-based lubricant makes it easier to achieve a seal.
What the respiratory therapist WON'T tell you: Water-based lubricant dries out after about two hours, and there you are back to square fucking one.
What the Internet will tell you: A + D Ointment is great for getting a mask to seal!
What the respiratory therapist will tell you when you ask: Yes, it is, but it also eats your mask. OIL-BASED, LOSER.
What the respiratory therapist will also tell you: You might as well give it a try. If it works, you can decide if you want to buy masks more often.
What you already know: Your insurance will only cover a new mask every six months. Because only slackers would need one more often.
What you will learn the hard way: A + D does indeed help with achieving a seal. However, IT dries out after about 4 hours, and after that it is just as useless as anything else. Also, it leaves you feeling kind of greasy.
What will make you mad enough to chew nails and spit bullets: Saying fuck it all and turning off the machine for the rest of the night is not the answer. It only results in feeling like death on fried styrofoam in the morning.
What will make you throw in the towel for the night : The realization that, instead of getting back to sleep, you're writing this blog post in your head.
What the respiratory therapist will also neglect to mention: The straps of the mask have a tendency to self-adjust. This is not a hidden features. This is a STUNNINGLY POOR DESIGN CHOICE.
What you will learn the hard way: Even if you get the mask to seal initially, odds are still good you will wake up in the middle of the night to discover it has slipped. At which point, odds become almost catastrophically poor that you will be able to get it to reseal without coming all the way awake, and also thrashing about a good deal. Swapping one mask for another may actually help, but that's a delicate and complex operation which you cannot turn the light on for, because your poor spouse is trying to sleep. ALso, see above re: AWAKE.
What the respiratory therapist WILL tell you when you ask for help: A water-based lubricant makes it easier to achieve a seal.
What the respiratory therapist WON'T tell you: Water-based lubricant dries out after about two hours, and there you are back to square fucking one.
What the Internet will tell you: A + D Ointment is great for getting a mask to seal!
What the respiratory therapist will tell you when you ask: Yes, it is, but it also eats your mask. OIL-BASED, LOSER.
What the respiratory therapist will also tell you: You might as well give it a try. If it works, you can decide if you want to buy masks more often.
What you already know: Your insurance will only cover a new mask every six months. Because only slackers would need one more often.
What you will learn the hard way: A + D does indeed help with achieving a seal. However, IT dries out after about 4 hours, and after that it is just as useless as anything else. Also, it leaves you feeling kind of greasy.
What will make you mad enough to chew nails and spit bullets: Saying fuck it all and turning off the machine for the rest of the night is not the answer. It only results in feeling like death on fried styrofoam in the morning.
What will make you throw in the towel for the night : The realization that, instead of getting back to sleep, you're writing this blog post in your head.
