some bits of nonsense

[truepenny]

One of the things I did this weekend was renew my acquaintance with Willard R. Espy's books, An Almanac of Words at Play and Another Almanac of Words at Play, which I read over and over again as a child. (I also read A Children's Almanac of Words at Play, which is charming, but I loved the ones for adults better.)

And to give you some idea of why I loved--and love--these books so much, here are some excerpts.


ELETELEPHONY

Once there was an elephant
Who tried to use the telephant--
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone--
(Dear me! I'm never certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)

Howe'er it is, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee--
(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)
                    --Laura Elizabeth Richards


In the footnote to 4 June:

Shoo to a fly
Scat to a cattypus
What is the cry
For a duckbill platypus?
                    --David McCord


SWEET HERNIA

Sweet Hernia on the heights of Plasticine
Sings to the nylon songs of Brassière;
The very aspirins listen, as they lean
Against the vitreous wind, to her sad air.
I see the bloom of mayonnaise she holds
Colored like roof of far-away Shampoo,
Its asthma sweetens Earth! Oh, it enfolds
The alum land from Urine to Cachou!
One last wild gusset, then she's lost in night ...
And dusk the dandruff dims, and anthracite.
                    --Edward Blisher



TRIOLET

I wish I were a jelly fish
That cannot fall downstairs:
Of all the things I wish to wish
I wish I were a jelly fish
That hasn't any cares,
And doesn't even have to wish
"I wish I were a jelly fish
That cannot fall downstairs."
                    --G. K. Chesterton



A THREE-TOED TREE TOAD'S ODE

A tree toad loved a she toad
  That lived high in a tree
She was a two-toed tree toad
  But a three-toed toad was he.

The three-toed tree toad tried to win
  The she toad's nuptial nod;
For the three-toed tree toad loved the road
  The two-toed tree toad trod.

Hard as the three-toed tree toad tried,
  He could not reach her limb.
From her tree toad bower, with her V-toe power,
  The she toad vetoed him.
                    --Anon., Mobile Register, August 12, 1892


Tommy shot Mamma for fun.
Father, as he cleaned his gun,
Said, "That was very wrong, my pet.
Cartridges are hard to get."
                    --L. V. Upward


FOUR LITTLE TIGERS

Four little tigers
  Sitting in a tree;
One became a lady's coat--
  Now there's only three.

Three little tigers
  'Neath a sky of blue:
One became a rich man's rug--
  Now there's only two.

Two little tigers
  Sleeping in the sun;
One a hunter's trophy made--
  Now there's only one.

One little tiger
  Waiting to be had:
Oops! He got the hunter first--
  Aren't you kind of glad?
                    --Frank Jacobs


Hogamus higamous
Men are polygamous
Higamous hogamous
Women monogamous
                    --Ann Pinchot

All errors in transcription would, yes, indeed, be mine.

Comments

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, I never knew about the adult versions! I was given Children's Almanac as a wee tyke and loved it and a subsequent copy to pieces. I still need to buy a new copy because I've been thinking about it and want to give a copy to a friend's daughter. And there are adult versions, too?

*runs to Amazon.com*

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Yes!

Proving again that even a self-indulgent LJ post may have use-value. Hooray!

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I had meant to look up "Eletelephony" all last weekend and forgot once I got home. Beautiful timing!

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

My karma on this post is fantastic.

[desayunoencama.livejournal.com]

Back when I lived in NYC, there was a regular (every few months) light verse poets' meeting I belonged to, which included Weed Espy, Bill Cole, Louis Phillips, Alma Denny, Maureen Cannon, etc. Lots of great light verse writers, and lots of fun at those Bard's Buffet lunches. And what memories! they could recite not only their own, but those of so many other writers, too. (I can never recall even my own.) Alas, a number of the members have passed away in the last few years.

Do you know LIGHT magazine out of Chicago?

My favorite McCord is still:

EPITAPH FOR A WAITER

By and by
god caught his eye.