Slow down, Pa / Sakes alive / Ma missed signs / Four and five

[truepenny]

The Virtu, Chapter 14: 38 ms pgs, 8,523 wds
Running total: 665 ms pgs, 145,597 wds

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Done with Chapter 14, partly by the expedient of moving the last 20 pages to Chapter 15. Spent more time stuck this evening over finding the right surname for a minor character. The surname is used once, and yet, to me, it became briefly the most crucial thing EVAR. Yes, my sense of perspective is a bit out of whack at the moment. But Cardenio's last name, in case anyone was wondering, is Blue.

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Somehow or another, matociquala and I got on the subject of Burma Shave signs today, and I think I will sign off this evening with some of my favorites:

On curves ahead
Remember, sonny
That rabbit's foot
Didn't save
The bunny
Burma-Shave

Her chariot
Raced 80 per
They hauled away
What had
Ben Her
Burma-Shave

Train approaching
Whistle squealing
Pause!
Avoid that
Rundown feeling!
Burma-Shave

Soap may do
For lads with fuzz
But sir, you ain't
The kid you wuz
Burma-Shave

Big blue tube
It's a honey
Best squeeze play
For love or money
Burma-Shave

Proper distance
To him was bunk
They pulled him out
Of some guy's trunk
Burma-Shave

She eyed
His beard
And said no dice
The wedding's off--
I'll COOK the rice
Burma-Shave

I know
He's a wolf
Said Riding Hood
But Grandma dear,
He smells so good
Burma-Shave

We can't
Provide you
With a date
But we do supply
The best darn bait
Burma-Shave

Heaven's
Latest
Neophyte
Signalled left--
Then turned right
Burma-Shave

Better try
Less speed per mile
That car
May have to
Last a while
Burma-Shave

The wolf
Is shaved
So neat and trim
Red Riding Hood
Is chasing him
Burma-Shave

Why is it
When you
Try to pass
The guy in front
Goes twice as fast?
Burma-Shave

To steal
A kiss
He had the knack
But lacked the cheek
To get one back
Burma-Shave

She put
A bullet
Thru his hat
But he's had
Closer shaves than that
Burma-Shave

It gave
McDonald
That needed charm
Hello Hollywood
Good-by farm
Burma-Shave

If Crusoe'd
Kept his chin
More tidy
He might have found
A lady Friday
Burma-Shave

The hero
Was brave and strong
And willin'
She felt his chin--
Then wed the villain
Burma-Shave

Drinking drivers--
Nothing worse
They put
The quart
Before the hearse
Burma-Shave

He lit a match
To check gas tank
That's why
They call him
Skinless frank
Burma-Shave

Don't lose your head
To save a minute
You need your head
Your brains are in it
Burma Shave

A peach
Looks good
With lots of fuzz
Man's no peach
And never was
Burma Shave

What is it with
This guy behind
Is he lonesome
Or just blind?
Burma Shave

Comments

[graygirl.livejournal.com]

Love them! Thanks for sharing. :)

[rutemple.livejournal.com]

Don't stick your elbow out too far
It may ride home in another car
Burma Shave

[eliade.livejournal.com]

God, you remind me of how much I love Burma Shave signs. From the Neolithic era of advertising, back when people were actually credited with intelligence. :)

[kristine-smith.livejournal.com]

From an old Sidney Harris cartoon--an astronaut tootling along in a spaceship comes upon a series of signs attached to space-buoys:

Space is Big
Space is Dark
It's Hard to Find
A Place to Park
Burma Shave

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Hee! Brilliant!

[malinaldarose.livejournal.com]

There are a couple of small rural restaurants and shops around here that are reviving the signs, but they're not nearly as clever as the originals.

[vass]

Eee! I hadn't heard of these, and now I have. Thank you!

[adelynne.livejournal.com]

The Carnegie Mellon campus has a stairwell known as "Architect's Leap" as it is situated next to the offices the archies have when they complete their massive project. It is painful, and at one point someone scrawled on the middle levels of the stairwell the following:

If you're feeling like a jerk
'Cause your project just won't work
Go ahead and take the leap
And then you'll finally get some sleep.
Burma Shave