::eeyore::

[truepenny]

So today has sort of basically sucked. For a number of reasons.

1. Menstrual cramps.
2. Rejection letter #1.
3. Rejection letter #2.
4. The lowering--and we're talking sub-basement kind of lowering here--realization that the Queen of Liverpool story is broken. Broken like a thing that does not work. And I know why it's broken, but I do not seem to be able, for the life of me, to fix the fucking thing.

Science fiction seems to be where my brain goes when it has something it doesn't know how to do. "Sundered" was like that--four drafts? five drafts? "No Man's Land" was like that--three drafts, the first of which bore no resemblance to anything that followed. (I can't sell them, either, which leads to tne uneasy suspicion that I may still not have gotten them right, but we'll leave that alone for now.) And now this story, which has had three drafts of varying brokenness, and I realized last night (with an assist from my husband) that I'd managed, in writing the thing, to completely MISS THE POINT of my original idea.

This happens. It happens in fiction; it happens in nonfiction. You get distracted; it's easier to go another way; the thing you wanted to do is so nebulous and vague that you can't keep hold of it.

So I burned it down, metaphorically, and am trying to start over. And I realize why I veered off-target in the first place, because the thing I want the story to be about is hard. It's hard and I don't know how to do it and--the real reason that today has sucked like a souped-up Electrolux--I'm beginning to think maybe it's a stupid thing to try to do anyway. The line between profound and banal is sometimes about as thick as a hairline crack.

::beats dead horse some more::

Comments

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

::patpat::

*\o/*

[batwrangler.livejournal.com]

Maybe it just wants a different color ink? Or a new pen. New pens are always good. (Did you know that if you drop your pen, the concussion can knock the converter right off the section? This can be very, very messy.)

[mmarques.livejournal.com]

I got a g.c. to amazon.com and want to spend some of it on Melusine. Do you have a link that puts extra money in your pocket?

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

I don't, but thank you for the thought!

[nycshelly.livejournal.com]

Aw, have some chocolate and relax. Things will get better.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the problem is not so much that what you want the story to be about is hard, as it is a research problem.

Maybe the thing you want to be the story about is outside your area of expertise. It's possible you need more imput. More info. An expert opinion.

Science fiction is like that. It forces you to go a little beyond what you know and use what you learn to build a bridge so *other* people can get there.

Good luck to you.

- Meg

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the dead horse..."
Hmm, doesn't quite scan the same away as the original song, but I kinda like it...it helps if you say it, "daaaid haoorse," though.
But enough silly.
I thought that pulling off the perfect Olympic-scale trick is so often about the tiresome hairline crack distinctions. (Inner comment: "Oh boy, there has to be *more* good eyesight required?! Gimme a break!")
Sigh.
The suspicion that one's own enormous effort is a stupid thing to do is pretty hard to fight, too.
I sometimes ask myself, "Now, wait a minute--is that horrid feeling just the inner sarcastic editorial tape loops speaking? Or is it a sudden and painful recognition that the character development or the plotline ultimately just doesn't go where you thought it would? Or is this some sneaky, common-sense, conventional wisdom assumptions about the situation hijacking the real solution, and taking the whole train right off the tracks and then pointing at the failure?"
Just tossing out some possible head-management ideas, for whatever they might be worth to you...
I sometimes take some solace in the feeling that if great scowling frowning serious thundering romantics like Beethoven and so on are the teeny tiiniest bit orf the mark, they just look like such bloomin' ijiots.
Gimme a break!
"Holy sidewalk art, Batman!"

[matociquala.livejournal.com]

Well, as you know Bob, if you are not falling off, you aren't riding hard enough.

If it's broken, that's not the end of the world. And it's easy to flinch away from hard things and do easier things (I assume you mean, in terms of the story's thematic arc?

I have faith. If not this year, next year.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's all about theme, this one.

[tinyfroglet.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing your struggles. It can be discouraging to me when all I read is how successful everyone is -- how everything is progressing and just *right*. It gives me hope to see that doubt and fear are a part of the process and the challenge. Seeing you stay the course helps me to do the same. And since I'm still working on my first full-length book, that means a lot.

My only suggestion - sleep. When I get stuck or down or whatever, a nap does wonders for not only giving me my energy and positivity back, but also allowing my brain to work at the knots of the story in a way that allows new possibilities to emerge.

Bests of luck.