TMSMWIMC

[truepenny]

This is how it works.

I hear a piece of good news about a person whom I know, like, and respect, and my first thought is, How DARE they do better than me?

It is, mercifully, a completely internal reaction, and I can simultaneously be sincerely overjoyed for the person in question, but the madly savage mink which is my competitiveness is crouched there in that dark back corner of my brain, teeth bared and little red eyes glowing.

It's part of my nature. I neither admire nor condone it, but it doesn't care.

And it'll bite me if I get too close.

Comments

[renenet.livejournal.com]

And it'll bite me if I get too close.

Ouch! And also? Rabies.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Actually, I would say, no, it's not a rabid mink. Fucker was born like this.

It's a long and sordid history ... *sigh*

[renenet.livejournal.com]

Well, then, at least nothing is contagious and you don't have to go in for a series of unpleasant abdominal shots.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

Why does it matter, if it's only inside your head and doesn't affect the way you behave? Why is it more important than the simultaneous and genuine joy?

It's a dark bit, you know, like people have? Like people have and are not judged by, but rather by their deeds? It's a useful thing to have for writing characters who are like that all through and let it affect their behaviour. People who are totally nice can't write people doing bad things convincingly, look at Anne McCaffrey.

Have you tried laughing at it?

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

People who are totally nice can't write people doing bad things convincingly, look at Anne McCaffrey.

*g*

Most of the dark and unpleasant bits of my character are things I'm at peace with. I don't particularly mind the fact that I'm a spiteful, cynical, lazy bitch with a nasty cruel streak. I try not to let those characteristics rule my behavior, but they don't disconcert me when I fall over them. The competitiveness does. What particularly annoyed me last night was that the person in question was not someone with whom I was in competition. They hadn't beaten me at anything--except inside my own head, where apparently I'm always in competition with everybody. It's just tiresome. That's more the issue, I think: that I'm tired of having to waste my energy on this crap.

Turning it into a mink is a start at making fun of it. Minks may be nasty little buggers, but they aren't exactly awe-inspiring. Yeah, I've got a ways to go with it, but the self-awareness helps.