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truepennyYesterday, I completed the revision of "Thirdhop Scarp," bringing it down to a svelte 15,400 words from its original bloated 19,500.
My lesson from this: I ramble when I exposit. I circle, too.
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heresluck is laughing at me now.)
I also discovered that one of the thematic strands I didn't really have room to cope with in "Thirdhop Scarp" is the mirror image of the protagonist's arc in another story I'm working on. So those go together, and that story is accreting a hell of a lot of stuff. Which is good. Novels need a certain amount of baggage before they're ready to fly.
I also figured out--and for this I completely and totally blame David Bowie and "Jump They Say"--that most of what I have of Schrödinger's Parable of the Cat is in fact wrong. However, comma, this revelation is accompanied by many exceptionally shiny ideas about what I ought to be doing instead.
This would be cause for great rejoicing--and in fact is--except for the part where I have to immediately turn around and dive back into The Mirador. We kind of fell off the wagon with that 21.5 pages a day thing (::shakes feeble fist at "Thirdhop Scarp"::), so at the moment I'm just trying to figure out how to make one particular scene NOT SUCK.
I mentioned this tomatociquala, and she very reasonably wanted to know why the scene sucked.
And it occured to me that perhaps it would be helpful if I unpacked what I mean when I say a scene sucks.
Because I say it kind of a lot, and I can mean any of several different things.
1. The personages are behaving grossly out of character because I'm forcing them into a plot that doesn't fit.
2. The dialogue looks like they're all very stoned.
3. The idea I had for the scene--back when the story was a Platonic ideal instead of grubby, sweaty, filthy material reality--while really cool, does not in fact work on the page.
4. The scene was written in service of a plot thread from three drafts ago, and is therefore more artifactual than actually utile in the current draft.
5. The scene is not doing enough work.
"Work" is another word that has a lot packed into it. Basically, what I mean is that if you yank a scene out of a story and push it under the klieg lights and shout at it, "JUSTIFY YOUR EXISTENCE!" it should be able to tell you why it's in the story and what it's doing.
And it had damn well better be doing more than one thing.
In this scene, Balthasar looks pretty while angsting is completely insufficient.
In this scene, Balthasar looks pretty while angsting about his abusive stepfather is better, but still insufficient.
In this scene, Balthasar looks pretty while angsting about his abusive stepfather in such a way that shows the reader EXACTLY why he's fallen for the creepy and domineering Percival is pretty good.
In this scene, Balthasar harvests deadly nightshade for a protective ritual for his friend Heloise while angsting about his abusive stepfather in such a way that shows the reader EXACTLY why he's fallen for the creepy and domineering Percival is doing some serious work. (This is assuming, of course, that the ritual for Heloise is a plot element, which--since I just make this whole scenelet up out of whole cloth--we can say, yeah. It is.) Because we get worldbuilding (protective rituals involving poisons) and setting (Where does Balthasar harvest deadly nightshade? Clearly in a cemetery: cue description and atmospherics); plot (why does Heloise need protection, and from what?); character development (Balthasar's abusive stepfather); and character/thematic arc (Balthasar's unfolding relationship with Percival).
Not bad for a pretty gothboy.
And every scene should be doing at least that much work in the service of the story. Yes, it is very much like juggling alligators.
So this particular scene sucks because it is not doing enough work. Now to see if I can fix it.
My lesson from this: I ramble when I exposit. I circle, too.
(
heresluck is laughing at me now.)I also discovered that one of the thematic strands I didn't really have room to cope with in "Thirdhop Scarp" is the mirror image of the protagonist's arc in another story I'm working on. So those go together, and that story is accreting a hell of a lot of stuff. Which is good. Novels need a certain amount of baggage before they're ready to fly.
I also figured out--and for this I completely and totally blame David Bowie and "Jump They Say"--that most of what I have of Schrödinger's Parable of the Cat is in fact wrong. However, comma, this revelation is accompanied by many exceptionally shiny ideas about what I ought to be doing instead.
This would be cause for great rejoicing--and in fact is--except for the part where I have to immediately turn around and dive back into The Mirador. We kind of fell off the wagon with that 21.5 pages a day thing (::shakes feeble fist at "Thirdhop Scarp"::), so at the moment I'm just trying to figure out how to make one particular scene NOT SUCK.
I mentioned this to
matociquala, and she very reasonably wanted to know why the scene sucked.And it occured to me that perhaps it would be helpful if I unpacked what I mean when I say a scene sucks.
Because I say it kind of a lot, and I can mean any of several different things.
1. The personages are behaving grossly out of character because I'm forcing them into a plot that doesn't fit.
2. The dialogue looks like they're all very stoned.
3. The idea I had for the scene--back when the story was a Platonic ideal instead of grubby, sweaty, filthy material reality--while really cool, does not in fact work on the page.
4. The scene was written in service of a plot thread from three drafts ago, and is therefore more artifactual than actually utile in the current draft.
5. The scene is not doing enough work.
"Work" is another word that has a lot packed into it. Basically, what I mean is that if you yank a scene out of a story and push it under the klieg lights and shout at it, "JUSTIFY YOUR EXISTENCE!" it should be able to tell you why it's in the story and what it's doing.
And it had damn well better be doing more than one thing.
In this scene, Balthasar looks pretty while angsting is completely insufficient.
In this scene, Balthasar looks pretty while angsting about his abusive stepfather is better, but still insufficient.
In this scene, Balthasar looks pretty while angsting about his abusive stepfather in such a way that shows the reader EXACTLY why he's fallen for the creepy and domineering Percival is pretty good.
In this scene, Balthasar harvests deadly nightshade for a protective ritual for his friend Heloise while angsting about his abusive stepfather in such a way that shows the reader EXACTLY why he's fallen for the creepy and domineering Percival is doing some serious work. (This is assuming, of course, that the ritual for Heloise is a plot element, which--since I just make this whole scenelet up out of whole cloth--we can say, yeah. It is.) Because we get worldbuilding (protective rituals involving poisons) and setting (Where does Balthasar harvest deadly nightshade? Clearly in a cemetery: cue description and atmospherics); plot (why does Heloise need protection, and from what?); character development (Balthasar's abusive stepfather); and character/thematic arc (Balthasar's unfolding relationship with Percival).
Not bad for a pretty gothboy.
And every scene should be doing at least that much work in the service of the story. Yes, it is very much like juggling alligators.
So this particular scene sucks because it is not doing enough work. Now to see if I can fix it.
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-01 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-01 08:46 pm (UTC)(And Heloise could be straight. We don't know.)
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Date: 2006-10-02 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 12:47 am (UTC)It's really not so much that I'm laughing as that now I reeeeally want to make you a duck icon that says, simply, QUACK.
::whistles innocently::