Speaking of using the right word

[truepenny]

So, this morning brought me spam in the comments of a post that's nearly two years old. The deep and profound annoyance this causes has been ameliorated by the fact that the spam is, in a weird way, nearly poetry. Let me give you some excerpts:


"... The finery settlement to this imbroglio is generic hypnotics ..."

"... When you are prescribed with a dear hypnotic for your illness ..."

"... Buy shabby generic hallucinogenic online ..."

"... [noun redacted] an online hypnotic retailer, in which you can planned the medicines that you covet shipped for unobstructed. Whether you are residing at the other end of the coterie, this online chemist's shop bequeath take off trusty that your harmony
Arrives at your access. Customers from Europe and the concerted States are lying downed with a conveyance era of up to fourteen days...."

"... The buyer benefit services of this hypnotic fund are equipped 24/7...."

"... The manuexperienceurers ..."

"... Anything your illness is, you pick out be masterly to buy the censure [noun redacted] for it...."


This is a pathological example of the disease I was talking about in my Storytellers Unplugged post. Like playing six-degrees-of-separation, not from Kevin Bacon, but from the correct word. It's like the conversations you have in dreams. Or the English spoken by defective pod people. I find it bizarrely beautiful.

Also irritating as all get-out, mind you. But I'll take the inadvertent benefit.

Comments

"... When you are prescribed with a dear hypnotic for your illness ..."

[themadblonde]

I can so hear that as the opening line of a barbershop quartet song.

Re: "... When you are prescribed with a dear hypnotic for your illness ..."

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Dammit. I ALMOST, but not quite, have the next line.

This is going to bug me all day now.

What have you got?

[themadblonde]

I'll give you a third line:

Contact us for all requirements of your pillness...

Line 2

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

"When you feel your pharmaecopic duty coming on ..."

First Stanza

[themadblonde]

When you are prescribed a dear hypnotic for your illness
When you feel your pharmaecopic duty coming on
Contact us for masterly requirements of your pillness
The benefits of this hypnotic fund may soon be gone


(Had to edit a word out of the first line to make it scan)

Re: First Stanza

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

*applauds madly*

Do we even need more stanzas, or can it be done as a round?

depends...

[themadblonde]

If we go with the barbershop quartet sound, a round won't really work. But if you imagine it as a kind of Danny Kaye patter-song, sure, we can leave at that.

oooh...

[themadblonde]

Look down a few posts. We've even got a name for the group who will perform it. ;-)

[liminalia.livejournal.com]

For more fabulously bizarre English, check out this Japanese site selling outfits for your cat:
http://www.petoffice.co.jp/catprin/english/
CAT PRIN -- the tailor for a cat you know -- it is -- fact which will become dearer than former if a cat has clothes on

Don't you doubt? "Although I want to dress with dress extravagant with my cat, doesn't a cat dislike having clothes on?"

It is impossible that continue for time long to be sure, and you continue dressing a cat. But about [ to which you dress a cat and take a commemorative photo on special days, such as a birthday of a cat, ] is OK.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

This sounds like ads from Pat Cadigan's Fools and Mindplayers, where neurosis peddlers sell thrills and temporary insanity, perhaps including shabby generic hallucinogenics.

[alchymyst.livejournal.com]

I am going to make a band and name it The Manuexperienceurers.

[tobysionann.livejournal.com]

I got one once that started off "Crone mutton skirt..." and was followed by a bunch of other words. Those three together stuck in my head, though.

[synchcola.livejournal.com]

I once received some spam in which they had used an automatic word-replacer on Lovecraft! There was one line from The Cats of Ulthar-prime which I particularly liked, but later although I tried I could never remember what it was. So, recently I went looking for it via Google.

I couldn't find it. But I did find something like it: web-spam in which they had used bits and pieces of Lovecraft's stories as a template, and substituted advertising keywords.

"If this man could not be restored to life, no one would know of our experiment. If it slumbered from within the house, we had the front page eyeballs venues, if from outside the door, we had the free automated advertising. He reigns there still, and will reign happily for ever, though below the ad venues at Innsmouth the distribution venues regaled mockingly the body of a tramp who had stumbled through the half-deserted village at dawn..."

(But this is not the raw text. Originally this was advertising something else; I didn't want to promote it, so I changed all the substitutions.)