personal epiphanies of the less uplifting variety

[truepenny]

I came to the lowering realization today that if I were put in a quest fantasy, I would not be the Plucky Farmgirl or the Hard-Bitten Mercenary (Starhawk FTW, in case you were wondering). No, I would be the Whiny Princess, courtesy of the AGONIZING FOOT CRAMPS caused by the tendinitis in my feet whenever I do something radical like, say, exercise.* My feet believe my purpose in life is to lie on a divan and eat bonbons. See? Whiny Princess, unmistakably. I figure my best hope is to get into a modern quest fantasy with a slightly pomo sensibility, and then maybe I can upgrade to Hapless Scholar. Where, you know, I'll still be a lead albatross around the party's neck, but at least I'll apologize for it. And perhaps be able to provide useful trivia to further the plot as well.

ETA: Also, as the Hapless Scholar, I will not be inexorably forced to marry the protagonist. Which is a bonus.

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*I admit, the foot cramps are not quite as awful in the privacy of my own home instead of, oh, halfway up a wall at a climbing gym in Michigan with matociquala on the other end of the rope wondering wtf is wrong with Mole NOW. But that's a variable of situation, not of the Platonic ideal of Cramp my feet are endeavoring to achieve.

Comments

[nathreee.livejournal.com]

The scholar would make you much like Daniel Jackson, only with foot cramps instead of allergies. Or you could be the healer who forces the foolish and aggressive adventurers to slow down and think about their plan. In Sci-Fi you could even be the pilot so that you always have somewhere to sit.