Female troubles

[truepenny]

CAVEATS--PLEASE READ

1. This is going to be TMI for a lot of people, of both the XX and the XY persuasion. If you don't want to read about menstruation, DO NOT CLICK.

2. THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL. My birth control decisions are none of your business, unless you are mirrorthaw. If you are, you already know more about this issue than you want to; if you aren't, rest assured that I have made careful, responsible, and informed decisions about same, none of which are (a.) under discussion in this post or (b.) up for discussion with the internet at any time.

3. My situation is complicated by a number of chronic health problems and consequent medications, which are also not under discussion in this post. So if you're about to comment with, "Why don't you do [X]?" please consider the possibility that I have good reasons.

4. I understand the urge to give advice. I succumb to it myself from time to time. However, I am not at this time asking for advice, and unless you are a medical professional familiar with my medical history, I am very unlikely to take your advice should you offer it. I may not be particularly gracious about it, either.

I am making this post because, well, it's the internet. Venting is what it's for. And also for the purpose of, you know, talking about this stuff. Because I still think it's STUPID that anything as painful and annoying as menstrual cramps should be considered normal and just something women have to deal with.

Okay? Okay.


So, I have had bad menstrual cramps since the age of thirteen or so, ranging from ow to OW to Fuck am I DYING here? There is no cure for menstrual cramps (although I am assured that having a baby will most likely get rid of them, that's really the most rotten reason for having a kid I can think of), nor any particularly precise understanding of how they work; the best gynecologists can do is offer a variety of birth control medications, with or without a prescription for ibuprofen, in the hope that one of them will be the magic key to fit your particular lock.

In my twenties, I was on a couple different birth control prescriptions, one of which caused really exciting mood swings (I'm sure mirrorthaw remembers the crying jags as vividly and unfondly as I do), and the other of which, while it did not have those side effects, didn't actually do more than make the cramps manageable. (By which I mean, with ibuprofen and a heating pad, I was pretty much okay--not pain-free, but okay.)

Ergo, my gynecologist and I agreed when I hit my thirties that it was worth the experiment of going off the birth control entirely. The nature of my cramps changed, in that they were worse, but--at first, at least--ibuprofen vanquished them entirely. But over time, the amount of ibuprofen required began to creep up, until I decided actual medical intervention was necessary for my quality of life.

I went on Camila, which is a low dose progesterone-only pill. It did fabulous work on my cramps--low to non-existent cramps, and an ordinary dose of ibuprofen took care of the rest--but it made me seriously irregular. Three weeks, three and a half weeks, two weeks . . . after a year, it was clear this was not going to even out, and I decided it was time to try something else.

I voted for Mirena. Again with the low dose and the progesterone-only, and the complete lack of any need for maintenance, whether by pill or by shot, and I admit, I was deeply attracted by the possibility of ceasing to menstruate entirely after four to six months, as menopause is something I have been looking forward to eagerly since I hit menarche at the age of eleven. (I know there are a whole host of new problems with menopause, but dude. I already have hot flashes.) So I went in and had the Mirena IUD installed on the twelfth of November.

Point 1: The Mirena is harder to install for women who have not had children--I gather because the cervix isn't as prepared to have objects passed through it--where by "harder," they mean both more difficult for the installer and more painful for the installee.

Point 2: For me, the installation was one of the top two most painful experiences in my life (the other being the Fuck am I DYING here? cramps I had in college). My cervix said NO, and it said so loudly, with tactical nukes and land mines. The immediate experience was agonizing, and it took more than an hour and four ibuprofen before I was close enough to okay that the nurse practitioner would let me leave.

(Caveat to Point 2: The nurse practitioner told me that this is one of those things that vary widely from woman to woman; some women don't feel any pain at all, others can't even bear it long enough to get the thing in.)

(Tangent to Point 2: My reaction was so extreme that the nurse practitioner decided we'd better do an ultrasound to be sure the Mirena hadn't perforated my uterus. Which is how I learned (a.) that ultrasound technology has advanced dramatically since I was ultrasounded in 1994 or '95 to see about my gall bladder, (b.) that they can do a vaginal ultrasound, (c.) that when they do one of those, they suit the wand up in a condom.)

Point 3: In the three weeks since then, my uterus has not stopped dripping. (I apologize for the verb.) Every four or five days, I get another wave of cramps and my body squeezes out more blood. Admittedly, the cramps only last about, oh an hour or so (as opposed to the twenty-four to thirty-six hours I'm accustomed to), and they're not all that bad, comparatively speaking, but still. Near constant menstruation is really not the answer I'm looking for.

I'm going back in on the eleventh so the nurse practitioner can be sure the damn thing hasn't wandered, and I will in fact consult her about whether I have much hope of getting back even to a normal cycle here. (I expect to be told I need to give it another couple months at least.)

And I will ask whether removing the Mirena hurts as much as having it put in.

Comments

[pameladean]

Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I had hideous cramps and heavy bleeding for years and years. Hormones are evil, there is no intelligent design.

P.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

No, there most emphatically is not.

[aedifica]

Oh ow.

[luna-the-cat.livejournal.com]

This isn't advice, this is sharing, because my experience is directly mappable to yours.

I have a history with gynaecological problems. I have extensive scar tissue. I have endometriosis. I had been with great success, on Dianette birth control pills for many years to control endometriosis and pain. However, the amount of years I'd been on Dianette, my increasing age, and a family history of blood clotting issues forced me to decide to come off this before I started being a real stroke risk.

Decided to go for Mirena.

What you say in Point 1 and Point 2 above: Oh HELLS yeah. With extra added screaming.

Now for the relevant part: for a full month after I had that damn thing installed, I bled like a stuck pig. Every day. Worse than I had EVER been. Went back twice for ultrasounds to make sure it was seated properly and hadn't perforated anything. Both scans showed ok.

Since week 5 after insertion...a little bit of light spotting, and that be it.

IT WENT AWAY. Thing's functioning as advertised now. ...So in other words, there is hope.

Oh, edit to add relevant info: it has now been 5 1/2 months since the Mirena insertion.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I am, in fact, very grateful for that testimonial.

[coffeeem.livejournal.com]

Oh, the monumental DO NOT WANT of it. Honestly, fertility ought to be an opt-in system. Because if one doesn't want to be fertile, why should one have to suffer the accessories and indignities of fertility?

I wish you an early and comfortable transition to cronehood. Crones rock.

[txanne.livejournal.com]

YEEES. Because I got myself through my debilitating teen-to-grad-school cramps by repeating "Children are worth it. Children are worth it." And now I don't have children but I still have cramps.

[anderyn.livejournal.com]

Oh. Ow. That really sucks. I mean, ow.


And I can empathize with the "dripping" bit -- while I had cramps, they were manageable. It was the near-constant bleeding that nearly did me in (seven to ten days of heavy flow every fifteen-to-twenty days -- for years! Augh!). Why bodies have to do that, I do not know. Alas, I was not a candidate for the pill, due to medical problems of my own, and the doctors would not let me have a hysterectomy. In the end, I had an ablation and have been very happily period-free ever since.

Actually, the reason I bring up the ablation is because I had to have a laminaria inserted before the operation itself, which was not one of the most comfortable things ever done to me, even though I have had two children (both were c-sections, though, so I think my cervix was not stretched as it would have been had I actually managed to dilate past 2 centimeters).

So I hope you find something good for your own relief, and that it comes sooner than mine did. I hated my body for years.

[slimequeen.livejournal.com]

Oh man. Someone else with a Mirena nightmare story.

In my case, I had the Mirena installed in 2005 after having a cesarean birth. It was excruciatingly painful when my ob/gyn put it in - to be expected because I hadn't given birth that way - but the pain soon faded. I bled for a few days but no cramps. My usual periods resumed and never went away.

Fast forward to this past June. The Mirena had been in for four years, and my husband and I decided to start efforts for kid #2. I went to an ob/gyn, and she couldn't find the Mirena. I swore that it had never fallen out. I went for an ultrasound and it didn't show anything. An x-ray was next, and there it was: free-floating in my body. My doctor immediately scheduled me for laparoscopic surgery.

I came out of general anesthesia to the news that they didn't find the infernal device, and spent the next several weeks recovering. After waiting for insurance, I had a CAT scan done to find the exact location of the Mirena (would have been nice to know that before invasive surgery, ya think?). It turned out that the Mirena rests deep in a muscle by my pelvic bone. Since it's not floating where it could perforate an organ - and it's causing zero pain - my doctor is leaving it where it is. If I get pregnant, I'll have another cesarean and have the IUD removed at the same time.

Even though our experiences are very different, I really, really, feel for you. I hope that you can avoid the laparoscopic surgery and they can simply find it and remove it. I do not have fond feelings about the Mirena anymore.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

EEK.

[elliemurasaki.livejournal.com]

although I am assured that having a baby will most likely get rid of them

I shall mention this to my mother; she's in desperate need of a laugh. Apparently when she was a teenager, her doctor told her that her "schoolgirl cramps" would go away when she grew out of schoolgirlness. Thirty-odd years and five kids later...

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. Another myth punctured.

(Also, I want a time machine to go back and kick that doctor in the shins. "Schoolgirl cramps" my ass.)

[swan-tower.livejournal.com]

If it should happen that you have to get the Mirena removed, I can say from experience that it is NOT as bad as having it put in. Insertion: yeah, pretty serious agony for the duration, though I wasn't laid as low as you were. Removal: approximately half a second of OW followed by "hey, it's over."

(I had to have my Mirena removed because it turned me from a woman whose mild cramps are easily sent away by an early dose of ibuprofen to a woman lying around on the couch with a heating pad taking more Advil than I was comfortable with. Just my bad luck, unfortunately.)

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

That's hopeful to know. Thank you! (And oh dear. Sorry it worked backwards on you.)

[buymeaclue.livejournal.com]

Wow, that sounds like a whole lot of No Fun.

Best of luck with the upcoming appointment (and, of course, beyond).

[oracne.livejournal.com]

Ow ow ow ow ow. *gently hugs you virtually*

[sonatine.livejournal.com]

Oh, uck. My utmost sympathies. I presume you know about iud_divas? There are lots of women sharing experiences over there about insertion and the adjustment period if you care to look. Things will vary, of course, but it might give you more of a baseline.

I also have a friend who had her IUD inserted and bled for about six weeks straight. It seems to have gone away finally. So know that your experience is not at all unusual, if it helps.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

... of course there's an LJ community. Thank you!

[panjianlien.livejournal.com]

You have my utmost sympathy, and no small amount of empathy, too My body no longer tolerates exogenous hormonal interference with anything like grace, and the tender mercies of my own system are neither.

I hope you find a good, or at least better, solution.

I swear gynecology is such a medieval affair primarily because men never have to live with its lacks.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

I swear gynecology is such a medieval affair primarily because men never have to live with its lacks.

You know, I try really hard not to think this. Or at least not to think it more than once or twice a week.

[fjm.livejournal.com]

Apologies for "advice", but I have noticed that doctors rarely mention how good hard liquor is for cramps. If you haven't tried it, consider washing down the ibuprofen with brandy/rum/whisky.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

... so the ginger vodka in the fridge could be medicinal?

[mamculuna.livejournal.com]

This sounds so hideous. The only comfort I can offer is that the time will come when it's in the past. There are some things I don't like about aging, but being free of the menstrual cycle--Yay!!

[kate_nepveu]

Ugh. I had a thing done pre-SteelyKid, I can't remember what it was called, but it involved inflating my uterus with fluid so they could get a good picture, and it was one of my two most unpleasant medical experiences, partly because of the thing-into-cervix bit, even though it was tiny. So I sympathize.

Hope it gets better.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Okay, that sounds . . . horrible.

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

Ow.

My body appears to be incapable of conceiving normally, yet it insists on going about the routine of pretending it can, with accompanying painful cramps and emphatic bleeding--this is NOT the result of intelligent design. At all.

But yes, medicinal alcohol can work wonders. Also purring kitties.

Also also, I hear you on the vaginal ultrasound. I was totally unprepared for what would happen when my gyne/nurse looked at me in horror and immediately scheduled me for an ultrasound upon hearing that I'd never had one before. "What? That's supposed to go where? Can it buy me a drink first??"

[mevincula.livejournal.com]

Medicine has made 1 advance. They can fit the ultrasound dildo with a non-latex condom, unlike my experience with the human variety of insertion that finds non-latex too thick.

However, I'm not sure menopause is the answer at least if fibroids are involved (well the end of menopause itself should help - but the path there has been worse than the previous 30 years of pain.) When I turned 44, what used to be 3-4 days of excruciating pain every month became 3-4 hours every night. My gyno offered me hormones or a complete hysterectomy. Unfortunately, I can't do hormones (for the 1st time in 30 years my periods were amazing - only 3 days! and I didn't need 2 overnight pads with an OB ultra for a 1 hour drive to work. but bp was 220/90 and although I didn't care if I was stroke bait, I couldn't convince him it would be OK). I don't like the idea of cutting bits off, even though I won't use them, so I suffer with a pre-medical solution to function. I only sleep 2 hours at a time (then I need to stand up and take a walk) and I never lay down for more than 6 hours. I sleep on my side (with pillows to keep me from rolling over onto my back), I drink a lot of water, eat very little salt or preservatives, and keep a bottle of vicodin and Bushmills next to the bed. sigh - french fries, Chinese food and a daytime nap with kitties used to be some of my favorite things.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I have no advice or personal story, just wanted to say, god, I am sorry you have to go through this!

[slweippert.livejournal.com]

{gentle hug}

[magentamn.livejournal.com]

Eeek! My sympathies.

Yes, menopause has many compensations, losing the cramps being one. If you are already having hot flashes, have they tested you to see if you are going into early menopause?

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

There are no other indications. And I've been having the hot flashes for YEARS. (I didn't even realize that was what it was--I just get hot every night around 11.)

[gauroth.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry! What a nightmare. I do hope things improve soon.

[jeliza]

Yikes. Stories like this are why I keep deciding to suck it up with my cramps, which are pretty much one day of hell, but only every two months (every other period, no clue why). I have discovered that a) Aleve is more effective than ibuprofin for my personal cramps, and B) brownies (or other chocolate, but brownies are best, if there is no chocolate, then cheese) significantly improve the efficacy of the painkillers. Seriously. I started keeping track of pain vs. food intake, and I'm quite sure it isn't just in my head (rigorous testing of comfort food application is about as much amusement as I can handle on cramp days.)

Best wishes for improved IUD behavior. (There should be a Hallmark card for that...)

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Aleve didn't do a thing for me. Not a single damn thing.

I feel some sympathy for the gynecological profession, given how utterly and completely YMMV every aspect of the female reproductive system is.

[lisatheriveter.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain (all puns intended, cuz you've got to laugh about it), and I had much the same experience you did, eventually landing on the Mirena.

I got mine about a year ago, and had a similar experience with the implant and post-implant dripping. I don't remember exactly how long it took for that to stop, though it was certainly a long and drawn out process. I believe that the "every four or five days" period got longer and longer until it approached a normal cycle length.

Now, I don't have a normal cycle. Randomly, I get cramps for a few hours, of a sort that are in the low-to-mid range of how they felt before the IUD, but much more localized now. Sometimes there is bleeding, sometimes there is not. Sometimes I'll have a little bit of spotting without bleeding. It's all very, very random, but on the whole I and cramping and bleeding much less often and severely than before the IUD, so I'm opting to keep it for now.

I know that my experience is not yours, but I hope that hearing about mine might give you some context for yours, or at least the comfort that you are not the only one going through it.

Oh, and I find Aleve (naproxen sodium) works better than ibuprofen for my cramps, though it might not be an option for you for whatever reason. I'm going to try your heating pad suggestion next time.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

As I said to another commenter, Aleve doesn't do a thing for me. But I swear by the heating pad. I'm not sure how much of the effect is objective and how much is subjective, but it does make me feel better.

[shadefell.livejournal.com]

There is no cure for menstrual cramps (although I am assured that having a baby will most likely get rid of them, that's really the most rotten reason for having a kid I can think of)

I cramped for almost the entire first trimester of my pregnancy, which was nerve wracking considering my history of miscarriage, and then sporadically throughout the rest of it (mostly when I was over tired and/or dehydrated and also my body hates me). My first menstrual cycle after my C-Section was so freaking terrible that I took vicodin (cramps along my incision OH GOD NO.).

I would love to have a pregnancy that precludes cramping.

Prior to getting pregnant, I've considered reaching up my own vagina to tear my uterus out and throw it at the wall as a viable alternative to re-enacting the elevator scene from "The Shining" every five weeks.

You have my deepest sympathies.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Holy freaking god. And also OW.

My Fuck am I dying? cramps in college were bad enough that I used the painkillers left over from having my wisdom teeth out. (Probably vicodin, although I do not remember.) And seriously thought about begging some doctor to refill the prescription.

[oursin.livejournal.com]

No helpful tips, alas - things seem to have moved on since birth control & menstrual problems were concerns for me - but much commiseration. As stated elsewhere, even if the original design was intelligent (which we take leave to doubt) it appears in practice to have been run up by cowboy workmen.

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

I hope this works out satisfactorily without requiring further interventions. But see, venting got you useful feedback--so :P to those who say it's useless self-indulgence!

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Also, I have found the reminder that no matter how awful my experience is, somebody else's is worse, is something I probably needed.