Wacky hijinks ensue, wildlife edition

[truepenny]

ROUND 1
1st BIPED¹: What the fuck?
UNDERFOOT CAT: Is new toy!
1st BIPED: ... that's a mouse.
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, EMMA, & MIRANDA*: Kill it! Kill it!
UNDERFOOT CAT: Is toy! See! [bats at mouse softly, no claws]
1st BIPED: Seriously?
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, EMMA, & MIRANDA: Kill it! Kill it!
UNDERFOOT CAT: Is awesome toy!
MOUSE: [escapes]
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, EMMA, & MIRANDA: D'oh!
1st BIPED: Where the fuck did it go?
UNDERFOOT CAT: I will find!
1st BIPED: I wish you wouldn't.
2nd BIPED³: [emerging belatedly from the study] Mouse?
1st BIPED: [brightly] Adventures with nature!

INTERLUDE, in which there is much peering under furniture by UNDERFOOT CAT and both 1st & 2nd BIPEDS

ROUND 2
2nd BIPED: [from under the piano] JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
1st BIPED: [dryly] Did you find it?
2nd BIPED: It's on top of the radiator. I thought the cat was just on crack.
UNDERFOOT CAT: Toy! I has finded you!
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, EMMA, & MIRANDA: Kill it! Kill it!
1st BIPED: [advances with makeshift mouse-capturing device] Cat, you are as much use as a trapdoor in a canoe.
UNDERFOOT CAT: [being dragged away] But! Is toy!
1st BIPED: [captures mouse]
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, EMMA, & MIRANDA: Biped! No interfering!
2nd BIPED: [gets door]
1st BIPED: [advances to suitable mouse-release point and lifts makeshift lid of makeshift mouse-capturing device] Fuck, I don't have it.
2nd BIPED: [facepalm]

INTERLUDE, in which CATZILLA scoots anxiously through the living room & completely and utterly fails to notice the mouse

ROUND 3
UNDERFOOT CAT: Toy is in radiator! Make it come out!
2nd BIPED: [attempting to pry mouse away from the radiator with a dowel] You're a strong little bastard, I'll give you that much.
MOUSE: [escapes]
2nd BIPED: FUCK.
1st BIPED: It's over here! Gimme the--
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, EMMA, & MIRANDA: Kill it! Kill it!
UNDERFOOT CAT: Where is toy?
1st BIPED: HA! [captures mouse in makeshift mouse-capturing device]
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, EMMA, & MIRANDA: INTERFERENCE!
UNDERFOOT CAT: To-ooy! Where has you gone?
2nd BIPED: [gets door]
1st BIPED: [releases mouse at suitable mouse-release point]
2nd BIPED: This is not how I wanted to spend my Sunday morning.
1st BIPED: At least you're not the mouse.

CODA
UNDERFOOT CAT: [peering under bookcase] Toy? Is you under here?
2nd BIPED: Really, cat?
GHOSTS OF RICHIE, BEN, & MIRANDA: This is very embarrassing.
GHOST OF EMMA: Oh my god I can't even.
1st BIPED: I no longer wonder why he was found up a tree.
CATZILLA: ... Is something going on?


---
¹Played by my lovely husband, mirrorthaw
²a.k.a. the Orange Creamsicle Dream Cat, the Elder Saucepan, and the First and Second Ninjas
³This would be me.

Comments

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

For at least a year after we had a mouse in the pantry, Ista would occasionally remember the Blessed Event. You could watch the memory dawning on her face, and she would go over to the pantry and wag frantically: "Hey! Remember the time we had a mouse in here? THAT WAS SO AWESOME. WE SHOULD DO THAT AGAIN DO IT AGAIN MONKEY AGAIN."

Our assessment of the levels of awesomeness involved differed somewhat from the dog's.

[mevennen.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! But this was very funny.

[ride-4ever.livejournal.com]

Cats! LOLZ.

[thatyourefuse (from livejournal.com)]

Your Underfoot Cat and our Vanessable Distressable are clearly soulmates. I don't think she's ever seen a mouse, but I have watched her lose track of a beetle in the pattern of a Persian rug.

[swan-tower.livejournal.com]

The bit with the dowel reminds me of when some friends were trying to put a mouse out of its misery by shaking it out of the itty-bitty tree it had climbed into the clutches of the cat below. Apparently the mouse swung around the twig it was clinging to like an Olympic gymnast on the uneven bars, but did not lose its grip. They decided the mouse had earned another chance at life, and left it where it was. (Whether the cat eventually gave up, we do not know. This was my feline stalker (http://swan-tower.livejournal.com/783940.html), so "persistence" is pretty much her middle name.)

[themis1.livejournal.com]

I think most cat owners have had days like this!

[libskrat]

Is it bad that I can practically hear Biped 1 saying "Adventures with nature!"

[heresluck]

The Coda, in particular, is making me laugh and laugh. Poor Emma. Her successors are really not living up to her standards. Not that anyone could, really.

Also, the fact that Richie, for all his apricot dreamsicle fluffitude, remains an exponentially better mouser than the Underfoot Cat? Never not funny. (Jingle jingle jingle CRUNCH!)

[woodwindy.livejournal.com]

Heh! Cats. My orange boy has demonstrated on at least two occasions that he wouldn't know what to do with a mouse if it jumped up on his head and told him to call it a hat...