Technical Difficulties

The Virtu, Chapter 4: 55 ms pgs., 12,940 wds
Running total: 189 ms pgs., 43,358 wds

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As I have said before, I have been working on the story now comprised in the novels Mélusine and The Virtu for about eleven years. Because I am a pack-rat and because I have the instincts of an archivist manqué, I've kept the two major drafts of the original novel (what I tend to call the ur-manuscript), and it occurred to me that it might be interesting, or entertaining, or instructive, to make a post about the evolution of a particular scene.

So. This is how Mildmay the Fox met Ginevra Thomson. (It's the second scene in Chapter One of Mélusine, so you don't particularly need to worry about spoilers.)

[ETA: if you want to do litcrit on these, I say go for it. I'm not doing that myself, because it seems more than a little narcissistic, but that doesn't mean it's not fair game.]

The first version is from 1999.
( 1st draft, 1999 )
He sounds exactly like Felix, doesn't he?

Here's the second version, from about a year and a half later.
( 2nd draft, 2000 )
I would call this better, but you can see where I'm still trying to be polite, decorous, to abide by the rules that apply to thieves in secondary world fantasy.*

And finally, the published version, after the white-page rewrite.**
( 3rd & final, 2005 )
And that's the real deal. Not saying it's not flawed, but it's a lot closer to lightning than a lightning bug.

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*In case you didn't grow up reading Dragonlance, David Eddings, and other such bastions of conventionality, Diana Wynne Jones's entry for THIEVES' GUILD in The Tough Guide to Fantasyland will at least give you a rough idea of what those rules are:
( it only hurts because it's true )

**Also, I have found my first typo. Argh. Mélusine, p. 9, 3rd line of the 3rd full paragraph. It should be "came down the city" not "came down to the city." Please feel free to emend your text accordingly.