Query to the masses

[truepenny]

I'm wondering about something.

I, personally, am extremely stupid about pain. As in, for a random example, yesterday I had a pounding sinus headache; I called Mirrorthaw around one o'clock to coordinate plans and mentioned the foul headache. He said, Have you taken anything for that? I said brightly, I'm planning to, with lunch. Which was retroactively not a lie, but which did gloss over the fact (which I'm sure he knew) that it hadn't actually crossed my mind that, oh yes, we have decongestants and analgesics in the house. I could take something for this headache.

Mirrorthaw is quite used to reminding me to take Advil because I almost never think of it on my own. This correlates, I think, with an attitude I know I inherited/learned from my mother, that one ought not to give in to pain; one ought to suffer stoically. (In high school, I ended up puking in the girls' restroom more than once because I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone that I had menstrual cramps like the wrath of god.) I think this connects with the gender conditioning that women receive, so that we learn to take care of other people before we take care of ourselves. Taking care of ourselves--even for women like myself who haven't a nurturing bone in our bodies--is branded "selfish" or "self-indulgent" or "malingering." And it's shameful, especially if it's somehow specifically female pain, like menstrual cramps or PMS migraines or what have you.

Other women I've talked to about this little mental disconnect have recognized it from their own experience. So what I want to know is, do men have this same problem? And is it all or most women, or have I just found a self-selecting sample?

Comments

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

I thought it was because I was raised as a Christian Scientist. It often doesn't occur to me take something for a headache or menstrual pain, though I think of it more often these days than when I was younger. At the same time, I feel more as if it's laziness that prompts me to turn to ibuprofen when meditation and soothing motion can be enough to do the job. I've suffered injuries (sprains and strains) to wrist and ankle without going to a doctor, but mostly because I couldn't afford the fees, and didn't expect they could do anything more for me than I could do for myself: i.e.: don't stress the injury, let it heal itself.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

I can see where Christian Science wouldn't help with this mindset problem. But, no, from our random sample it looks like people can get stuck in it other ways.

[skylarker.livejournal.com]

It sure does look that way. I guess I'm not as exceptional as I'd thought. :)

I wonder how random our sampling is, though; would we get as large a percentage of people with this mindset if checking more of a cross-section of the general populace?

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

That's SOMEBODY ELSE's sociology dissertation. :)