Life With Cats, Wee Hours Edition

[truepenny]

BIPED: [waking up at oh-dark-thirty] My back hurts, I can't move, there's no room to breathe, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS . . . oh, it's you.
CATZILLA: Dude, I'm, like, totally sleeping here. D'you mind?
BIPED: You're a nine pound cat, for Christ's sake. You cannot take up three-quarters of the bed.
CATZILLA: I'm not listeninnnnnnnnnnng.
BIPED: [contorts like Houdini]
[manages to roll over without kicking spouse off the bed]
[shoves Catzilla back maybe half an inch]
BIPED: All in all, this is not an appreciable improvement.
CATZILLA: [commences to purr]
BIPED: I hate you.

***

At least I know who to blame today's sciatica on.

Comments

[libskrat]

I hope the Gray Menace Mouser never gets to that size, because it's cute now, but...

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's not the size. I've shared beds with much larger cats (Richie was thirteen pounds in his prime) and not had this problem. It's all about placement.

[swan-tower.livejournal.com]

Placement, and folding space. (How else can you explain their ability to be both bed-hogging and impossibly small?)

If I were the sort of writer who could do humorous SF, I would have a story about how our FTL travel is entirely dependent on convincing each shipboard cat to pretty please fold space for us so we can get to the next star.

[malinaldarose.livejournal.com]

I share your pain. Well, not this morning, actually, because the cats managed to leave me plenty of room overnight for once. But usually, I'd be sharing your pain....

[fidelioscabinet.livejournal.com]

A couple of time last week I found myself waking up from the effort of rolling over in bed--to find out there was a cat between me and each corner of the bed, close enough that they had me pinned from their weight on the covers. I remember wondering, somewhat muzzily, if they were setting me up for some sort of dreadful rite, possibly intended to summon small game animals.

After a few nights of that, they re-arranged themselves so that there's always one either between my legs or pinning them down.

A nine-pound cat can so take up three-quarters of the bed. If they can't they just aren't trying.

[jennywren129.livejournal.com]

At least only two of our three cats sleep with us, but one of them is 24 pounds. When Zephyr has walked on you (or, G-d forbid, jumped on you), you know about it and have strange paw shaped bruises. Sparky is the one who usually takes up the most room. It isn't so bad in the summer when he sleeps on the pillow about one's head, but in the winter he insists on sleeping between us and expands throughout the night.

[callunav.livejournal.com]

....The 24-lb cat is named "Zephyr," huh?

[heresluck]

For two people with quite different lives, we have these oddly cat-shaped areas of overlap...

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

It is true!

[rabidfangurl.livejournal.com]

You know, there are some problems I seriously think topologists should investigate, both as mathematical quandaries and as practical matters. The Problem of the Bed-hogging Cat is one. The Problem of Fitting as Many Plates and Cups as Possible on a Dining Hall Tray is another.

[gardensoil.livejournal.com]

Or sleeping in foetal position somehow with legs in y-ish position because Cat Demands Space. And such honour, when cat deigns to sleep on bed. I am Cat Slave.

The art of napping

[muneraven.livejournal.com]

Two dogs, two cats, me and just a double bed. I make them all wait on the floor until I am comfortable and then I say "okay" and there is a mad dash for what real estate is left over.

I find their jockeying for position very amusing. :-D

At night, no way: they are all banished to their respective pet beds outside the bedroom, lol.

[mevincula.livejournal.com]

Oh but I miss the days of being pinned to the bed by 4 black cats. One under my arm, one between my knees, the BIG one on the pillow next to me, and one wrapped around my head like a scarf, his chin on my cheek and his front paws around my neck (as he got older, skinnier and sicker, he slept directly on my chest, with his head tucked in my neck). I later got 2 more, but the little orphan was too afraid to join in, and the empress was too fat to jump on the bed. Now that 3 of them have gone on, I only have the one between my knees left (although the orphan joins me occasionally) and I hardly sleep at all...

[susannag.livejournal.com]

Just posting to say - that is a great icon!

[tekalynn.livejournal.com]

Small animals on beds should not be able to draw their mass from Jupiter. Yet somehow they do.

LOL 10+lb.Cat

[selkith.livejournal.com]

I know how that goes, OMG, I have a cat that's more than ten pounds. Last Spring I got put on a weight restriction, after messing up my back tripping over, then picking up the cat. The weight restriction included the cat, which had the chiropractor cracking up. And anyone else who heard about it. I can definitely sympathize with the cat-induced sciatica. Hope you feel better.

[thecoughlin.livejournal.com]

here's how the bed ration goes

total sqare feet divided by number of actual feet.

Biped: definition 2 feet
Quadraped: definition 4 feet

Ratio of bed for biped: 2/6 or 33.3%
Ration of bed for quadraped: 4/6 or 66.7%

Good luck!

[pennski.livejournal.com]

Now it all makes sense.

It also explains what happens to the duvet.

[heathwitch.livejournal.com]

Ain't that the truth! Have you seen, per chance, the Wake-Up Cat (http://www.snotr.com/video/528)? And thank you for signing ACtW with EBear for me; much appreciated! *hugs*

I would love to send you a Yule card this year. Please can you email me (http://www.heathwitch.com/contact.php) with your addy, so I can pop one in the post asap? Thankies! :)