Ha bloody ha.

[truepenny]

I hate April Fool's jokes--I think because I'm so freaking gullible that I always fall for them and then feel crushingly stupid. I handed someone I like his head on a platter a couple years ago over an April Fool's joke, and I still feel bad about that, because it was a lovely and well-thought out spoof. The moral of the story is, do not tease the Mole, for she has no sense of humor.

It appears, however, that my body did not get this memo, for I just made an appointment to go see the nurse practitioner who installed the Mirena IUD for me back in November. Because I'm afraid the damn thing's gone AWOL.

There is a thread, you see, which hangs from the Mirena, through the cervix, and into the vagina, where the Mirena-user can reach up with a finger and feel it. And indeed, that thread has been there, readily tangible, every time I've checked . . . until yesterday, when it was not there at all. I gave it a day, because, you know, the first rule of any malfunction is Wait And Try Again, but upon recheck, no, no mistake, the thread is still not there.*

My hope, of course, is that it's just coiled up upon itself somehow and is lurking coyly along my cervix, but I'm not real sanguine about that hypothesis--and in any event, it is not something I can test for myself. So next Friday I get to go in and be poked at. You may imagine my glee.

And I'm sure the meat thinks it's being very funny.

---
*The other day upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today;
I wish that man would go away!

Comments

[ladysmith.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you just can't feel them. And the only way to be sure is to have the GYN go spelunking, or have a sonogram.

Last time this happened to me, it was a sonogram, because I couldn't find the thread and the GYN couldn't find it, either.

[dreamyraven.livejournal.com]

Well, testing whether the blasted thing is where it should be is a very quick thing. And painless.

Several doctors in Finland recommend that you actually shouldn't worry about the strings at all. With time they will coil. To add, depending on what time of the month it is, the IUD actually "travels" a bit. Good luck and hopefully it is firmly where it should be.

[pixel39.livejournal.com]

The girly bits frequently have a dreadfully twisted sense of humor.

[hominysnark.livejournal.com]

I get to go in and be poked at next Thursday. I plan on getting drunk first. You?

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

Remember the rule: if someone medical puts a foreign object inside your body, you get whatever you want for dessert.

[cerulean-sky.livejournal.com]

Do "their fingers" count as foreign objects?

But I really like this rule, and I am writing it down so that I will remember it for next time I have to go be prodded at.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

It's almost certainly got a latex or nitrile glove on it, right? Even if fingers didn't count, gloves would.

[cerulean-sky.livejournal.com]

Aha, good point. Totally tucking this rule away. And I probably have an appointment with the girly-bits doc coming up soon. Now I'm just looking forward to desert. :D

[redbird]

I shall have to remember that.

The problem is that with the serious medical foreign objects, I may not want dessert for days. (On the other hand, one of the few things I was at all interested in post-surgery was chocolate pudding.)

[slimequeen.livejournal.com]

I already recounted my Mirena story for you months ago (that it's embedded in my abdomen, and the surgery to get it out failed). I do hope it's just playing hide and go seek with you and hadn't done the Grand Abdominal Tour like mine.

[gwinna.livejournal.com]

That sucks. How does a surgery like that fail?

[slimequeen.livejournal.com]

I went in for urgent laporascopic surgery after an x-ray showed the Mirena outside the uterus. After an hour of surgery, my doctor had to give up because she couldn't find it. A few weeks later (while I was still recovering) I underwent a CT scan that showed the device is embedded in a muscle. We're just leaving it as is, and if I get pregnant again I'll have a cesarean and get two things removed at once. :\ Good news is that I've never had any pain other than the surgery itself.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Yes, your object lesson was very much in my mind when I decided to suck it up and make the appointment. *g*

[pameladean]

That's a splendid icon, but I am very sorry about the occasion for it.

P.

[inizitu.livejournal.com]

Hullo.

You and I can be humorless subterranean mammals together on April Fool's Day, because I am the exact same way.

Also, so sorry about your ongoing Mirena Issues. What a nuisance for you! =( No wonder my cervix refused to allow one of those things inside of it- perhaps it had heard stories that I hadn't...

[artemishi.livejournal.com]

Whee! I had this panic last month with my own copper IUD. One day, poof, no string. I got an appointment with the OBGyn, and she found it in 1/23 of a second (after getting the duck clamps in there). Apparently, not only do they coil, but they also soften sometimes SO much that when they lay against the flesh they feel like the flesh. The odds are in your favour that this is what has happened, and everything is good and still in place. *fingers crossed*