Plus and minus
Apr. 25th, 2010 01:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
truepennyPlus: New bread pans! One of my old ones has gone from non-stick to stick, so it was clearly time. And these are very pretty. And red! I'm very curious to find out what the loaves they produce are like.
Minus: I've figured out why I'm not getting any writing done. It's because every time I go to work on something, some part of my brain says, quietly but very emphatically, This is a stupid story.
Now, rationally, I know that's not true. The stories I'm trying to work on right now are neither more nor less stupid than any of the forty-some stories I've published--which is to say: No, they aren't stupid. But knowing that and feeling it are two different things. I'm not quite sure how to deal with this, because it's a really neat piece of self-sabotage: not only does it make working on stories seem pointless, but it makes asking anyone else for help seem equally pointless. What can they do except tell you it's stupid?
I suspect this is partly fallout from having Ace dump me last year--and although Tor was very careful and kind and explicit about the fact that they love my writing and want to publish me, it still hurts like a son-of-a-bitch to know that my career is so fucked up that the only way to do it is to give up my name. I know that it's not a judgment on me as a person, or on me as a writer, but I can't help the fact that it feels like one. And that, in turn, makes it hard to have any confidence in my stories.
So, yeah. If anybody needs me, I'll be over here fainting in coils.
Minus: I've figured out why I'm not getting any writing done. It's because every time I go to work on something, some part of my brain says, quietly but very emphatically, This is a stupid story.
Now, rationally, I know that's not true. The stories I'm trying to work on right now are neither more nor less stupid than any of the forty-some stories I've published--which is to say: No, they aren't stupid. But knowing that and feeling it are two different things. I'm not quite sure how to deal with this, because it's a really neat piece of self-sabotage: not only does it make working on stories seem pointless, but it makes asking anyone else for help seem equally pointless. What can they do except tell you it's stupid?
I suspect this is partly fallout from having Ace dump me last year--and although Tor was very careful and kind and explicit about the fact that they love my writing and want to publish me, it still hurts like a son-of-a-bitch to know that my career is so fucked up that the only way to do it is to give up my name. I know that it's not a judgment on me as a person, or on me as a writer, but I can't help the fact that it feels like one. And that, in turn, makes it hard to have any confidence in my stories.
So, yeah. If anybody needs me, I'll be over here fainting in coils.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-25 10:28 am (UTC)I know how you feel, I get this all the time (having it at the moment, in fact) - without the justification of having been dumped by a publisher.
The only thing I can suggest is to take that inner voice, shove it in a mental cupboard, and tell yourself (out loud if necessary) "first drafts are allowed to be stupid". Sometimes it's not about not sucking, it's about telling/fooling yourself that you don't care if it sucks.
I find that when I get to the end things generally don't suck as much as my inner-killjoy thought they did. :)
no subject
Date: 2010-04-25 10:35 am (UTC)With regards to the name thing, if it's any comfort, unless Tor explicitly ban you from mentioning "and I'm also Sarah Monette" when you write under a new name, your fans will still know who you are. And we'll read your new persona because you're also Sarah Monette, not in spite of it.