(Not Too) Close encounters of the Procyonic kind

[truepenny]

So last night I went out on the porch to bring in the food and water bowls I put out for the feralistas. And there was a raccoon.

I learned something instantaneously, which is that I had not known how big raccoons are. I mean, I thought I knew, but there's a difference between that and being less than ten feet from one, at which point it upgrades immediately to BIG MOTHERFUCKING RACCOON ON MY PORCH.

Happily, the raccoon had no interest in tangling with me. It did what the feralistas do, which is to retreat to the other side of the porch railings and pretend to be invisible. And since I had no interest in tangling with the raccoon, I about-faced and went back inside.

Later, mirrorthaw told me that when he checked again, the raccoon was happily making use of the water bowl in exactly the way stereotypes about raccoons would lead you to expect. (Dude, free water! Most excellent!) And this morning, the water bowl has been moved about a foot--and has significantly less water in it than is usually the case--and someone's busy little paws have peeled half the protective rubber strip off the rim of the food bowl.

I'm going to be more conscientious about bringing the bowls in before sunset and hope the feralistas can keep from tangling with the raccoon. I'm sure it's not new to the neighborhood--possibly it's not new to our porch. But although I have nothing against raccoons, I would really prefer it not become a regular visitor.

(BIG. MOTHERFUCKING. RACCOON.)

Comments

[kelliem.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, they can be pretty intimidating! They sort of look like small bears. We get them all the time in our back yard, and I am glad our kitties are the indoor kind. I'm sure your feralistas can take care of themselves, though.

[truepenny.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. I didn't need more reasons that our cats are indoor only, but boy howdy that raccoon would have been a good one.

Good call.

[cattraine.livejournal.com]

The raccoons in the coastal town a friend of mine lived in used to attack the local feral cats and even devour them--especially the young ones.

[smills47.livejournal.com]

Raccoons used to visit the back yard of our cottage in California, and they would come to the french doors and put their paws against the glass and peer in. And the freaky thing was, the paws looked... Just. Like. Hands.

Now, the humans' revenge. Long ago I was told that the way to freak out a raccoon was to give it a sugar cube, because raccoons always wash their food, so....

[ljgeoff.livejournal.com]

About 20 years ago, I was sitting in a comfy chair reading Whitley Strieber's Contact. I was in an upper floor room, late at night with a small reading light shining on my book, tucked into a corner chair next to the window that sat over the lower floor mud room. We had been rebuilding the house, and the window wasn't finished being framed in -- there was insulation stuffed into the empty spaces between the window frame and the house framing.

A small plate of home made peanut butter cookies was sitting balanced on the arm of my chair. As I sat reading, creeped out by the book, a small, black hand thrust through the insulation stuffing under the window ledge and groped wildly for the cookies.

I jumped up, plate of cookies flying and the big racoon outside the window went head over heals across the mud room roof.

[smills47.livejournal.com]

Yow!

[illian.livejournal.com]

I've always wondered why more authors didn't use raccoon equivalents for their aliens/uplifted animals/magical creatures. Because they seem to be tailgating us pretty hard on the road to sentience.

[tekalynn.livejournal.com]

The Architect of Sleep is the racoon book that comes to mind.

[g33kgrrl]

Unrelated, but I wanted to tell you that I finally read my copy of Unnatural Creatures and loved it. Perhaps bizarrely one of the most exciting things was the use of the word (or a derivation, I forget and the book is already nestled on the shelf next to The Bone Key) "exophthalmos", as I just had to learn about that a few weeks ago in nursing school. To have it appear in another context was quite awesome.

Of course I loved the stories themselves as well! And just hanging out with Booth some more.

[saoba.livejournal.com]

Spousal unit's grandfather used to humane trap and transport raccoons because they would thrash his garden and fruit trees. He cordially hated raccoons.

Well, granddad passed a few years back and relatives now live in the house. They have indoor-outdoor cats.

They don't use the traps because they don't keep up the veg garden. You can guess where this is going, right?

The current generation of raccoons include at least one great big 'un who will pick up the cats' dish and bang on the screen door with it to get their attention. The relatives will then go out and put down food for the critters. It is very disconcerting.

[ljgeoff.livejournal.com]

Yeah, racoons got my sweet corn crop last year.

'coons and 'possums

[(Anonymous)]

Not too fond of close encounters with wild life but when we first moved here I was feeding dogs on the front porch. One night there was quite a clatter so I opened the door to see the dogs keeping a respectful distance while a possum ate their dinner. Neighbor raised a baby coon. Those human-like hands? Little coons are even more dexterous than toddlers! Thanks just the same but not too close. em

[jackdaniel.livejournal.com]

We used to have raccoons living in the empty house next door (now it's no longer empty so they moved into one of our trees). Because of these 'neighbors' we're careful about what trash be put outside in relation to trash collection day. Back before this lesson was fully learned, we had a raccoon bring some garbage up onto our deck to eat. My mother went out to shoo it away but then noticed that one of its claws was the length of her pointer finger. Needless to say her next words were, "have a nice dinner" and she came back in side.

[pameladean]

Yeah. I mostly see the young ones, who are small and cute. But a former cat of ours once treed a raccoon that must have weighed forty pounds. I don't know why it went up the tree and yelled until I came outside and grabbed my cat, rather than devouring my cat; but I was grateful. It was about twenty feet up the tree, but still. Big. Motherfucking. Raccoon.

P.

[girlpunksamurai.livejournal.com]

If there was a showdown between my evil cat and the raccoon..

I'd bet on my cat. His evil majesty can stand on his hind legs for a good minute. Also, we're talking about a cat that was able to kill a bluejay. Have you seen bluejays? We're not talking finch sized birds here O.o

I'm still not sure how he had managed to get it inside while I was sleeping >.>

[(Anonymous)]

Have you ever watched a raccoon wash a piece of soggy dumpster pizza in the lake before eating it? Hysterical!

[poodlerat.livejournal.com]

About a decade ago my father lived in an apartment where the living room windows looked out over the front porch roof. Every night when he watched television, two baby raccoons would creep up onto the porch roof and watch TV through the windows. As soon as he turned off the TV they would creep away again. Very cute--mostly because they were still very small. Adult raccoons are scary.

[violsva]

Better than some of the alternatives. In Toronto if you aren't very careful about screen doors sometimes they come INSIDE THE HOUSE.

The cats were not around at the time, but very damn annoyed someone had been at their food when they did show up.